Hamsternews 3rd Edition

 

Hamsternews -
The independent Paper
for the Up to Date Hamster

 

3rd Edition

Xmas in Hamstertown

 

Read about the latest events! Power failure in Hamsterton – just what we needed!


Celebrating Xmas by all means or something like that…


It was cold in Hamsterton and only few hamsters out in the streets....

They struggled through the high snow and their little paws left tiny traces. In the town hall the mayor was sitting beside the warm stove and wrote down his Xmas speech. He looked out of the window to the marketplace. There was much ado because some hamsters of the Hamster Technical Control Company tried to set up a big Christmas tree in the centre of the marketplace


Wenn das man gut geht....
Setting up this year’s Christmas tree – as crooked as always


The mayor sighed because the HTCC up to now had not succeeded in setting up the tree straight. Quite on the contrary. Damages at the surrounding roofs indicated several failures.

Hamsterhausen schaut zu

In a safe distance the HAMFI had parked their fire engine to take action in case of emergency. Some of the firefighter-hamsters idly played with the fire hose so that the marketplace became black ice and the setting up of the Christmas tree was even more difficult.

Also the police hamsters of HAMPO were present in case any misunderstandings between HTCC and HAMFI came up. Several cameramen from Hamsterhoosen Television HOOTV 1 waited to take life pictures if there were fights between HTCC and HAMFI and the police were to intervene.

The mayor took up the notes for his speech and studied them while going out to the balcony. The cold fresh air did him good.

Just when he had a very brilliant idea for his speech, he was startled out of his thoughts by loud shouts. He raised his head and saw something big and green coming towards him. Today this was the last thing the mayor saw. When HAMFI had dragged him from under the Christmas tree, he was taken to the hospital were the fir needles were tweezed from his fur.


 

Er schreibt 'ne Rede

Sorry to say, but also this year the mayor will hold an Xmas-speech


At this very moment Tuffy sat in a corner of the Hamster Technical Control Company and moped. Tuffy was a 3rd class repair hamster and dreamt of being a 2nd class repair hamster one day – even a 1st class repair hamster. While she was sweeping the office floor of the HTCC her colleagues returned from the operation and with big eyes she listened to their adventurous reports:

“… and then that big tree crashed onto the town hall’s balcony”, Botchy said. “Those HAMFI-fools wanted to take the fire engine to drag the tree away. But they skidded with their car and bumped into the town hall. So we have to set out again.”

The phone rang and Botchy lifted the receiver. “Hamster Technical Control Company”, Tuffy heard him say. A few moments later he placed down the receiver and said: “The power plant has a leakage in the heating. That has to wait, we have more important to do things.”

Tuffy cleared her throat and Botchy looked over to the 3rd class repair hamster. “Will you take care of it? But don’t fall into a gully again!”

Tuffy’s heart pounded in excitement.

“Yes, er, no”, was all she could say.

While Botchy and the other hamsters returned to the town hall, Tuffy collected the most important tools like plunger, blowpipe, hammer, and the like and set off to the power plant.

Four times Tuffy got lost, then she finally stood in front of the Hamstian Power Plant entrance. First she got to the canteen, then to the loo. At last Tuffy found the office where she was to report.

“I c-come to repair the heating”, she stammered.

“Just a minute”, an elegant hamster lady replied who was just busy combing her fur. “Hello”, she purred into the receiver. “The service hamster arrived.”

She listened for a moment, put down the receiver and said to Tuffy: “Dear service hamster, will you please wait a moment.”

Tuffy did so in some excitement, then a door opened and a hamster gestured her to come in.

“Please do wait here”, the hamster said and walked into the next room.

Tuffy sighed, sat down and looked about her. She glanced at the pictures on the walls, then checked her tools. The plunger she place beside a vase on a small table at the window and inspected the pipe tongues thoroughly. The door to the next room was forcefully openend and a hamster in a green overall entered. Tuffy was so startled that she let the pipe tongues fall onto her foot and wailed.

The overall-hamster approached her immediately, picked up the heavy pipe tongue and said: “You’ve lost this. You will be the service hamster?”

“Yes, and you are the owner of the power plant?” Tuffy asked and rubbed her aching paw.

“No”, was the answer, “I’m a member of the security force. We are most important”, he proudly added, nodded to Tuffy and pointed to the door. “Please follow me.”

Tuffy walked through the door and heard the security hamster calling: “Hey, you forgot your plunger! I’ll get it for you!”

The next moment the cracking of the vase could be heard.

“O, that silly plunger stuck to the table”, the security hamster remarked but Tuffy was not interested. She took the plunger from him and walked on into the next room.

There another hamster in a green overall was waiting. “Hello, security force”, he introduced himself. “Are you the service hamster? Please wait here”, he added and left the room.

Tuffy sat down and continued to check her tools. Again she placed the plunger onto a table on which another big vase was standing.

Cautiously she put the pipe tongues beside it and looked into her tool bag. Yes, there they were, the screwdrivers. But where were the pipe clamps? Tuffy just wanted to search for them when another hamster in a blue overall entered.

“Are you the service hamster? Please wait here”, he said and left.

Tuffy felt a bit shirty by now. She looked for her pipe clamps when the security hamster in the blue overall came in and said: “Please follow me!”

While Tuffy packed her bag the security hamster went to the table, pointed at the plunger and said: “I’ll help to carry the tools.”

Before Tuffy could say anything, it cracked and Tuffy made for the next room. Here a security hamster in a red overall was waiting to welcome her while the blue-overalled hamster followed with the wet plunger.

“Put the wet tool to the table”, the red hamster said and pointed at a small table with a big vase. Then he turned to Tuffy. “Are you the service hamster? Please wait here.” And he left the room.

“Sure I’ll wait”, Tuffy thought grumpily. “I’ve got nothing else to do.” And she continued her search for the pipe clamps.

Some minutes later the door was opened again, the red-overalled hamster came in and said: “Please follow me, I’ll take your tools.”

“Just a moment!” Tuffy cried but the security hamster had already taken the plunger – something cracked…

“A moment?” the security hamster wondered.

“Oh, it’s nothing”, Tuffy replied and followed him into the next room.

There the director of the power plant was sitting and smiled at Tuffy.

“Ah, I’m happy that you are here at last. Please take a seat and wait a moment!”

While the security hamster placed the plunger onto the director’s desk, the director was searching for something.


Hamster bei der Mittagspause

A very exclusive picture:

Tuffy at lunch break


“Where are the notes with my speech? I just held it in my hands.”

“Er, Sir”, the security hamster objected, “this is the service hamster only.”

“Well, well, it will not take long until he may be of service, therefore he’s named service hamster!” The director laughed on his own joke and continued ransacking his desk. Finally he found his notes and turned to the angry Tuffy.

“What is that?” he asked and pointed at the plunger.

“A tool to generate low-pressure”, Tuffy explained.

“Very interesting”, the director replied and yanked at the handle

“Where do you engage the first gear?”

Tuffy rolled her eyes. “You’ve got to take it into your hands.”

The director tore at the plunger but it stuck to the desk. He doubled his efforts but the plunger showed no reaction.

“Security!” he angrily shouted. The door opened immediately, four hamsters appeared and looked at him.

“Hand me this tool!” he ordered and pointed at the plunger. Eight paws gripped the plunger and tore at it wildly. The directors assisted them.

It did not take long until the desk collapsed.

“We made it”, the director cheered, “it is off!” He scrambled over the remainders of his desk, took the plunger, looked at it and handed it to Tuffy.

At this moment the lady entered whom Tuffy had met before.

 


Films...

Fun...

Musicals... in Hamsterton!

Der Film-Film!

Abenteuerreisen wie noch nie!

König der Hamster


„Sir”, she purred, “the power planning hamsters have arrived.”

“Well”, the director said and pointed to the heating, “the thing is leaking. You may start with the maintenance.” Then he and the lady and the four security hamsters left the office and Tuffy sighed in relief. Now she could show her paces.

In the meantime pure chaos reigned on the marketplace. When trying to drag the Christmas tree out of the collapsed town hall the fire engine had sideslipped into the police cars. So HAMPO arrested all firemen. HTCC under the management of Botchy now began to grit the black-iced marketplace. The owners of the market stalls watched. Flecki who had a stall for self-made Christmas stars was of the opinion that it would be better to leave the tree were it was. “If the tree lies in the town hall, it will do no damage.” Goldi on the other hand said: “If we fasten a rocket to the top of the tree and fire it, the tree will straighten on its own!”

Grumpy and Topple who listened to this were delighted and ran to chief Botchy to tell him about Goldi’s idea.

“I’ve got a bad feeling with that”, Flecki wailed. “We’ll all fall apart.”

“Yellow-belly”, Goldi grumbled. “It will work all right.”

While he said so the HTCC started their preparations. Hamster Police and fire brigade forgot their quarrel and hurried to be of assistance. The HAMFI fetched a big rocket from their stocks and when it had been fastened at the top of the Christmas tree, HTCC fired it. Then there was a loud woosh from the rocket. At first it looked realy swell when the tree straightened up, but then the tree took off up into the air, higher and higher. The hamster-faces became longer and longer.

„So that was that with Xmas“, Flecki stated.

“Perhaps not”, Goldi replied. “I think the tree comes back.”

“Take shelter!” Topple excitedly yelled and all hamsters ran helter-skelter.

Then the big Christmas tree crashed down in the middle of the marketplace, fir needles darted through the air and everywhere loud cries for help could be heard. Fluffy who had thrown herself defensively over her self-made pancakes, was helped up by Grumpy. Her front was covered with batter, her back spiked with fir needles. “My stall at least is still whole”, she sighed, looked over to her cousin Flecki and shouted: “Is your stall intact?”

“No idea”, Flecki replied. “I’ll tell you when I found it.”

Now all hamsters stood together and discussed what to do. Hamsterton was covered with green – fir needles. HAMFI and HTCC had started their usual brawl and HAMPO threw sunflower seed. Then they decided to clear away the mess. They all helped and huddled up the rubbish. Just as the marketplace resembled a marketplace again, a car drove up. It was the mayor who had left the hospital after a short treatment.

Joyfully he looked at the heap of rubbish and limped towards it. “My dear hamsters”, he exclaimed, “how very nice of you to build up a platform for me so that I can hold a speech. Luckily I’ve got my Christmas speech on me.” Then he climbed the unsafe rubbish heap.

„Why Christmas speech?“ Flecki asked. „That’s still to come. He’s quite nuts.“

„Well, why not?“ Goldi grinned. „He was hit by a Christmas tree after all.”

The rubbish heap was swaying when the mayor had reached its top and started his speech. Chief engineer Botchy saw the danger, pushed forward, waved and shouted: “Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor…!” Now all hamsters began to wave and to shout for they thought Botchy was cheering the mayor on. The rubbish heap with the mayor rocked, the hamsters clapped and cheered and Botchy closed his eyes. Then the rubbish heap collapsed and all the hamsters on the marketplace cried: “Merry Christmas!”



 

Bürgermeister im HKH

Exclusive Picture!

Mayor in the Hospital again! And who will have to pay for it?

We of course!


It took some time to get the all over dirty mayor out of the rubbish.

So while there was much ado on the marketplace Tuffy had found her pipe clamps. They had been wrapped together with her sandwich and sunflower seed. Tuffy checked the heating and quickly found the leak. She took some adhesive tape and began to seal up the heating. Three hours later the silly heating was still leaking. So the irritated hamster took the blowpipe and lit it with a lighter. After Tuffy had burnt down half the carpet she took a rest, got out her lunch and thought: “If a pipe leaks the reason perhaps is too high pressure!” But where was the main connexion of this heating? It would be advisable to follow the heating pipes. After a round tour of one hour Tuffy was back at the leakage and tried a pipe clamp. This did not help either. So she took the hammer and tried to close the leak by well aimed blows.

The leak got bigger and bigger. Desperately she tried the blowpipe again but the leaking water killed the flame of the blowpipe. Tuffy threw the hissing tool into a corner and stuffed the biggest whole in the heating with the carpet.

“Well, well”, she thought, “I’m almost ready.” Then she left the office and walked down the passage to find somebody who had dry rugs for her. But nobody was there, as the staff had called it a day and went home. Tuffy got the idea to descend into the cellar once more. Perhaps there she would find the main pipe after all. The cellar was dark and spooky.

„Calm down“, Tuffy thought, „don’t panic. This is just a cellar and nobody is in the house. So nothing can happen to me, no panic, be calm and… PANIC, CINAP, PLEH!” she shrieked and wanted to run out through the cellar door. In her panic she tumbled against some switch unit, dragged out several switches, stumbled over cables, tore these out as well and hid in a side passage.

Now it was even darker in the cellar and Tuffy had one thought only: Back to her place of work, sealing off the leakage and home again.

On the marketplace it looked much more Xmas-like in the meantime. Topple had opened a Christmas-tree-sale, Flecki decorated the napkin-stall, Goldi helped Fluffy with the pancakes. In one of the next stalls Grumpy was sitting selling Easter bunnies. Even a hamster would not get it into his head to buy Easter bunnies at Xmas as Grumpy well knew. He offered Easter bunnies because he wanted to be left alone and not plague himself with silly customers. Topple had opened at stationary-stall. When he remembered that most of the hamsters could neither read nor write he sold everything as material for painting and drawing.

Purzels Malkurs

Fleckis Kramladen

Kramladen

Topple’s Drawing Lessons!

3 sickels only!
O well, let’s say 2 sickels. Or 1?


Gifts and Trash at:
Flecki’s Rummage Sale!

Pretty gifts and more…


NEW!

… that’s the way you’ll love shopping!
Flecki’s Rummage Sale
2A Olde Brook

1 – 100 sickels – everything available!

Fluffy was stressed for Goldi had already eaten 3 pancakes but baked none. Fluffy explained that he would get not more pancakes if he did not help to bake some. So Goldi disappeared and returned with his fried Dumple and some funny device. The two of them hammered and screwed and presented their invention to the gaping crowd: the first fully automatic pancake-baking-unit. It consisted of a big iron plate which slowly rotated. Beneath the plate there was a gas cooker to heat the plate. Beside this was mounted a funnel with an integrated stirrer.

“We made this from an old concrete mixer”, Dumple explained.

“Have you at least cleaned it?” Fluffy wanted to know.

Goldi’s answer was nothing but a grunt and he began to tip eggs, flour, and milk into the funnel. Then he switched on the stirrer and lit the gas cooker. The plate rotated slowly and soon the first batter began to drip onto the iron plate.

“Yipiiie!” Goldi cheered. „It works! We filled in enough batter to get pancakes until next Xmas!”

All hamster stood marvelling when portion after portion of batter landed on the hot iron plate, was baked, taken off by Fluffy and Dumple and put as pancakes on paper plates.

“Brilliant, isn’t it?” Goldi boasted and gave the machine a wanton blow. He should not have done so. The motor started to stutter, stopped and took up tenfold speed.

“Damn!” Dumple exclaimed. „The speed regulation fails!“

Flecki who was standing by and just opened her mouth to jeer, got a pancake between her teeth at full tilt so that she made a double flip backwards right into Grumpy’s Easter bunnies. The next pancake hit Topple with a loud slap and the poor hamster tumbled into the stall for roasted sunflower seed. Another slap and Fluffy whirled through the air with a shriek and with the next slap Dumple followed.

Terrified, Goldi goggled at the spinning machine, his heart pounded and he made to the machine to switch it off but two pancakes hit him and he was sent flying over the marketplace to land exactly on a fire alarm. The alarm went off while Goldi held his aching head. In the meantime Fluffy desperately tried to reach the pancake-stall but again and again she was hit by low-flying pancakes which darted over the marketplace. Flecki approached the problem in a more clever way, opened an umbrella and stalked toward the mad machine.

She really succeeded to get close to the unit but then a very low flying pancake hit her legs and she toppled over. When she raised her head to suss things out the next pancake hit her face.

“There’s the fire brigade”, Topple shouted. “We are saved.”

“I wouldn’t be that sure”, Flecki groaned and crawled out of the line of fire.

HAMFE immediately saw were the enemy was standing and got out the water hoses. The battle against the pancake-machine started. At first it looked well for the fire hamsters but soon the water mixed with the batter and the ground became very slippery. The water pressure from the hoses whirled the hamsters about until they loudly yelled “Pleh!” and took to their heels. Also HAMPO who arrived by now, had no solution. No sunflower seed helped against this enemy. Even the HTCC stood by helplessly until Goldi said to Flecki:

“We should use rockets!”

“Have you gone mad?” Flecki retorted. „The pancakes will the rockets make…“

She got no further. The hamsters around them greeted the idea with loud cheers. Mounting and adjusting the rockets did not take long, then Botchy gave the command:

“Fire!”


Deckung!
Exclusive picture: Firefighter Botchy bravely gives the command

With a hiss the first rocket shot towards the pancake-machine, then the second and the third one. Excitedly and with loud “Yarooh, yarooh!” shouts the hamsters watched the flight of the dangerous missiles. Then Flecki’s fears became true: the flying pancakes met the flying rockets and changed their direction. The yarooh-shouts of the hamsters changed to pleh-cries and they bolted into all directions. The course of the first rocket was deflected upwards. It shot steeply into the sky and came down with a crash in the town hall. The second rocket landed on the playground of the Tabsy-Hoosen-School, but luckily nobody was there. The third rocket had almost reached its target when it was hit by several pancakes and exploded.

Desperately, HAMFI, HTCC, HAMPO and all inhabitants of Hamsterton tried to secure their town and their houses against the missiles.

“If this doesn’t stop, all houses will collapse under the pancakes”, chief engineer Botchy lamented and the mayor had nothing at all to say.

Tuffy, who did not realize anything of this disaster, was still anxiously toddling through the dark cellars of the Hamstian Power Plant. Cautiously she crawled from one passage to the next and every moment she expected some hamster-eating monster to fall upon her.

“If I only had taken along the pipe tongs”, she unhappily thought, feeling along the wall towards the exit. “This way I’ll never be a 2nd class repair hamster”, she sadly thought, while she crept along the staircase. This ran in a half-circle and when she went upstairs she heard quite an uproar from the marketplace. She opened a window and sadly looked out.

It sounded as if her friends had already started the fireworks.

„O well, do hold your party“, she shouted out of the window into the direction of the marketplace. “I, Tuffy, 3rd class repair hamster, will do my duty to the bitter end and until everything is finished!” After this brave announcement she felt much better. Panting, she reached the top of the stairs on her short legs and anxiously followed the next pitch dark passage.

Trembling, Tuffy opened a creaking door. Also this room lay in darkness, there was some hissing sound and an odd smell. Then the frightened hamster-girl felt something under her paw. The lighter! She took it and hastened back to the passage. Panting, she decided to use the lighter as a candle and to go back into the dark room. Cautiously she opened the door, holding up the lighter.

“This smell”, she thought, “ now where did I notice it before? Wasn’t that during the very first operation before chief Botchy had to be taken to the hospital because a gas explosion…”

Shocked, Tuffy stopped and then it happened: with a loud “Whamm!” the door came towards her and she tumbled down the staircase. Squeaking loudly, she rolled from step to step until she reached the cellar. But that rescued her for over her head the whole building of the Hamstian Power Plant seemed to explode.


Es ist alles so traurig!Another exclusive picture: Repair hamster snapped on job!


To the little 3rd class repair hamster it seemed like an eternity until the crashing and rumbling in the building stopped. She plucked up all her courage and raced to the exit. It was dark outside and Tuffy wondered why all the street lights were out. She hurried on towards the town centre. It was dark all over – that was quite creepy. Even the noise on the marketplace had died down.

„Funny“, she thought. „They can’t be all gone to sleep, can they?“ Then she reached the market place. There they were, all her friends, the mayor, too, who helped some fire fighters to light and distribute candles. Half a Christmas tree stood in the centre of the marketplace, decorated with candles and rocket remains.

The mayor just wanted to hold a speed when chief engineer Botchy shouted: “There she is! There is Tuffy!”

Tuffy panicked – what was on? What had she done wrong? Then she suddenly had the idea that the explosion in the Hamstian Power Plant and the power failure in Hamsterton might be connected!

“I w-will repair everything tomorrow!“ she sobbed.

“And we all will help you!” the fire fighter hamsters and the HTCC-hamsters shouted. Then all the hamsters called “Tuffy, Tuffy!” and some of them lifted her on their shoulders and the mayor began his speech. Completely dazzled, the little 3rd class repair hamster listened to the mayor’s words:

“Thanks to the brave action of a single hamster-girl our beautiful Hamsterton was rescued from the dangerous killerpancake-machine. Again it became apparent that the brain of the individual hamsters triumphs over sheer force. To switch off the power was a most brilliant idea to solve our serious problems. For this reason, my dear Tuffy, I award you with the 1st class repair hamster medal. In this speech I again want to stress the fact…”

Tuffy did not pick up the rest of the speech. With big eyes she glanced at the half Christmas tree and knew that Today was the most wonderful Xmas of her life.

Hamstertimes wishes all our readers

 

A Merry Christmas and Happy Easter!

 

Freizeittreff bei HamstilidamstHamstertours

 


Weather Forecast

The Xmas weather reflects the situation in Hamsterton. Our recommendation: wood shavings against black ice! Wetter